Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
