oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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