My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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