Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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