third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
