My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
