redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We left the knife in your bed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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