I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
