Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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