Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
