I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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