Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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