It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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