You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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