I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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