All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
