I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
