Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
