i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
