Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
