I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
