all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
