I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
