Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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