I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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