Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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