when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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