she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
