That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
