So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
