were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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