You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
