so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
