great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
