Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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