Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
