Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
