I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize