can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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