There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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