i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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