Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
