just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
