There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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