I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
