shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
