smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
