did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
