I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
