You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
