All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
