can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I am morally bankrupt
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
