There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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