So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
