You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
