Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
