She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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