I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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