How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
