You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
