my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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