She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
