My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
