i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
