It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
