1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
