Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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