Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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